I’ve been reflecting recently on the ways my parents instilled a generous spirit in me, and wanted to share it with other parents, because I don’t think it’s something most parents think about or focus on.

My parents were not people who usually had extra money. I’m not sure that extra money had been invented by that point in history. There were three kids, a fixer-upper house, self-employment, braces, and plenty more bills besides that. You can probably identify.

I don’t remember my parents focusing on what we didn’t have. And more importantly, I don’t remember them ever holding back from hospitality, kindness, or generosity even though I now realize that it must have been really hard.

My parents taught me things like:

-Support your local fire fighters and police and appreciate the work they do for your community. You never know when you will need their help. But even if they never help you, they help others. And that’s important.

-Shop local when you can even if it costs a little extra. Your neighbors deserve your support, and you need to appreciate the services they provide.

-Actively care for those that have less than you do. My parents had a habit of kind of adopting this family we knew each Christmas. They had three kids and it was a single parent home. They had a lot of needs, and my parents somehow carved out money from the already very tight Christmas budget to leave gifts (secretly) for these people. They never took credit for it either.

-and that ties into the next one: Be generous without being showy. Do good for the sake of doing good. For the sake of human compassion. Not because other people will think you’re wonderful.

-Be hospitable with what you have. Don’t stress about what you don’t. I can remember my mom coming home from some ladies meeting at church or something, and telling about this seminar she attended about hospitality. The speaker focused on all the proper utensils, place settings, centerpieces, etc. that a good hostess should have in order to invite others to her home. My mom’s wise reaction was that for her to wait for the “proper” hospitality items would mean we’d never open our home to others for the rest of our life. Fortunately, we were able to have lots of people over to our house even though it wasn’t big, wasn’t fancy, and wasn’t perfect. Be who you are. Share what you have.

I have no idea what other generous things my parents did for other people, but there is no doubt in my mind that there were many things that were never mentioned to anyone else.

I’ve known people for whom a true spirit of generosity was extremely difficult. People who seem to feel that they have to hoard all good things unto themselves. People who can’t do a good deed without getting a pat on the head for it. People who can’t do right with humility, but instead do right to feel like they are “better people” than others.

Truly, you won’t be able to instill pure generosity in your children until you have it and live it yourself. You have to lead by example in your life to be the kind of person you want your children to be. Children have a keen ability to sniff out fakes. They may not mention it to you, but if you are faking it they will be able to tell.

Now, you don’t have to wait to feel good about generosity before bringing your children into it. There’s nothing wrong with struggling and learning together. You can start with natural opportunities that come along, like mentioning to your child why you make some of the generous choices you make. Help them to see opportunities in their life when they can give more than their “fair share” and be ok with it. Let them get glimpses of you doing the same, but don’t make a big deal out of it.

How can you cultivate a generous spirit in your own life?

You could start by being generous secretly, and keep doing that until it becomes easier for you. Zoe Children’s Homes

is one of my very favorite organizations, and they take online donations via paypal which is easy and private. You may know of other organizations that are meaningful to you, so you could start there.You could respond to a fundraiser for something that hits your heart, like sponsoring children in foreign countries, and you could just give because you want to, rather than make a dozen excuses to yourself about why you’d rather not this time.

You could invite some people over for dinner or dessert. You could make an unexpected gift or meal for someone that social circumstances don’t compel you to do.

Some families decide to sponsor a child that is very close in age to their own child, and include their children in the process by allowing them to do some work to help raise the support money, or perhaps decide to forgo a family treat like eating out at a restaurant in favor of using the money as a donation. Child sponsorship puts a real face with the needs, which makes generosity more tangible for kids. Compassion International is a great choice for this.

Do you give money to your church or local charities? Encourage your child to give regularly, and point out the blessings that come from it.

I have known some children that had birthday parties where gifts were not allowed, but donations to well-loved charities were allowed. How wonderful!

The interesting thing about being generous is that once you can get past your hesitations and give with a pure heart of love, you will feel so happy to have been able to give! Also, many times being able to be a conduit for generosity will end up coming back around to you in ways you would not have expected. It is surprising and fun.

There are so many great needs in this world, but often we get caught up in our own lives and don’t take time to care enough to make a difference. It is my belief that if everyone just stretched a little father and gave a little bit more, many needs would be met and the world would be a better place. So, next time you and your family learn of a need, why not ask yourself, “What can we do?” and then do it. You’ll be doing your kids, and the world, a big favor!