I read a post from a military wife on one of my egroups today. She had just found out that her husband was being deployed and she was really feeling bummed out. During past deployments they had not gotten much help from church, community, or family members, and she was dreading being on her own again with four young children and little-if-any support.

Knowing that we have a lot of military families on our newsletter list, I thought I’d include my response to her here, plus ask you wonderful people to add any comments or suggestions you may have about getting the help you need during deployments. Spread the word to others that may have good ideas, too!

I can only imagine how daunting it is to face being on your own with the children and without your husband for an extended period of time. Yes, you “knew” when you married him it would include this…but knowing beforehand and knowing afterwards are two different things, right?

Would it be possible for your husband to specifically ask your church leadership or people in your church or community to help you? Or perhaps other military families with husbands that are not deployed? Maybe if it comes from the husband to other men, it might get taken more seriously….? Also, might it be possible for families in your church to take on some sort of a schedule for being extra support for you, such as one family per month to be “on call” if you have a plumbing problem or a car repair?

Many years ago when I was on bed rest during a difficult pregnancy I had 3 little ones ages 1, 3, and 7, and my husband worked 24 hour shifts. (still does) Having always been the helping sort, it was hard for me to ask for help although we badly needed it! Eventually what helped me ask-but-not-ask was to make up a list of things that I needed help with. People are famous for saying, “let me know if you need anything” but what woman really wants to call them and say “Hey–can you come clean my toilets?!” I started saying to people, “Well, it’s hard for me to remember everything and it’s hard for me to ask, but I did make up a list of things we could use help with. Maybe there is something on there you would feel like you could do.” If they were at my house they could just look at the list, and of course lists are easy to send by email. Either way, people could see a wide range of things that needed to be done and find stuff that was a fit for their personality or preferences. I was amazed that some friends came to clean bathrooms or to take laundry away!

I know that these suggestions aren’t going to solve all of your problems, but maybe one or two of them can help, or maybe inspire some other ideas that will be more successful for you.